Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
