I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
