Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
