I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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