Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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