Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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