he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
