every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
