woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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