he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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