Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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