just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
