DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
