First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
PANTIES FOUND
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