Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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