True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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