Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
