He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
