I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
