I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't deserve a penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
