just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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