I love black thongs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
