Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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