happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
