nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
