i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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