I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
