how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
