Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
