I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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