I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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