ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Welp...herpes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
