i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
