You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
