I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
