If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize