Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
