So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
