Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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