Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
