can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
