Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize