i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
