I skipped work to stalk him.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't notice because vodka
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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