getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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