a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
