when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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