He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
