I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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