So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize