He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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