its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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