i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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