haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
