Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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