Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
