I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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