I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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