"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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