Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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