How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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