Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
