Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
