oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
