youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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