Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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