I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
