I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
