I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
