Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
