Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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