it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
