Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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