a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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