No stitches, just platelets and will power
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
