I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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