i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You've changed since you got that strap on
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize