I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we made out on top of his cat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
