WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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