omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
