Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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