Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize