it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
