Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
