Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
