Can i not drive my cunt home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
