Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
