Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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