Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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