I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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