i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it hurts more in the daytime
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
