This girl is more easily done than said...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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