Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
