Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
