You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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