I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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