i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
