This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
