He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
