Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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