The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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