I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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