so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
