She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize