It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
